You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
