I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
And then my night got REAL pukey
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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