i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
