Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
