I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
