I skipped work to stalk him.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This is my gift to your gina
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize