the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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