mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Let's get the cat blown out
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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