she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize