I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When are your genitals available?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
