I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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