he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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