I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
