I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize