there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
