Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
