I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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