i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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