make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
