I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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