everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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