Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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