I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
