his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
