one word: firstdatebathroomanal
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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