I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
