Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
