Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Randomize
