those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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