She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
