I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
