I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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