I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
