you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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