Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
