He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
