you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
