She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize