I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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