the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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