the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
