we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
