Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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