I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I smell like Dick and happiness
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
