I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
