AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
