I am in a vortex of obligation.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
