i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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