Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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