why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize