we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
