Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
