I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize