Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Sext me about skeletons
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
