My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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