I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
