I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
