Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
