remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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