he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
