why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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