You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
