They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize