you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
