He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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