Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
