he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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