Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
