I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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