If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
