you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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