so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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