if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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