The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
