I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
