As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
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