You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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