Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
