He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
