Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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