I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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