Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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