Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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