New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
