he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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