You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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