Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
