I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
