Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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