my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
