my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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