omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
