Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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